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The O.C.

6. 4. 2006

The Pilot - 101
Seth: (to Ryan) Oh, looks like someone's trying to be a hero but you got a little cocky. X O, X O it's an unbeatable combination. Oh, oh, ... (nearly shouting, excited) OH! What happened to your head, dude? Where did it go? I'm sorry did someone die? Oh, hey, do you want to play Grand Theft Auto? It's pretty cool, you can like, steal cars ... not that that's cool. Or uncool, I don't know, um-

Seth: Welcome to the dark side.

Seth: Summer's right over there. (quickly) Look. I'm sorry, don't look. Don't look. But I mean you can look, but don't look like you're looking.

Seth: Wow. I'm sorry. I should really learn to knock in case there's a threesome going on in the bathroom.

Seth: You guys really wouldn't hurt me, because, you know, that'd be so cliched. (they lift him up) Oh, I guess you're fans of the cliché.

The Model House - 102
Seth: You know what I was thinking? I think that this being your last night and all, we should do something special. I don't know what. Possibly get a couple of tattoos or some hookers and lose our virginity. Right? Okay, dude, I don't know. There's a shark movie at the IMAX. If that's what you're into.

Seth: Nothing. We're just hanging out. Oh look, (points to the gift in Marissa's hands) it's somebody's birthday. I guess my invitation probably got lost in the mail.

Seth: I'm sorry, uh, Avril Lavigne doesn't count as punk.
Marissa: Oh yeah? Well, what about The Cramps? Still Little Fingers? The Clash? Sex Pistols?
Seth: I listen to the same music as Marissa Cooper? I think I have to kill myself.

Luke: Shut up, queer.
Seth: Well, at least I don't shave my chest.
Luke: What'd you say?
Seth: I just said you look nice in a sweater vest. It was a compliment.

Seth: "You know what I like about rich kids?" BAM! "Nothing." Hey Ryan, you wouldn't consider ME rich would you? I'd be more upper middle class?

Sandy: The minute you were born, I knew, that I would never take another easy breath again without knowing you were safe.
Seth: So I'm like asthma?

The Gamble - 103
Jimmy: How's your mom?
Seth: Uh, married.

The Debut - 104
Summer: So, like, what am I supposed to do?
Seth: (coughs) Over here. (whistles)
Summer: Fine. Let’s go.
Seth: (gets up excitedly) Are you sure? Because…if-if you’re not totally…
Summer: Just don’t talk to me.
Seth: All right, I get it. Our connection’s a little bit deeper than words. (She looks at him) That’s it, I’m done. I’m sorry. Uh, chock full of quiet now.

Seth: Wow, you're a really good barbeque... sionist.

Seth: You're a Cohen now. Welcome to the world of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt.

Seth: Dude, you just got your butt kicked and you didn't even fight back! You really are a Cohen.

Seth: If this has anything to do with the rug, I just want to say that Ryan had nothing to do with it.
Kirsten: What rug?
Seth: I'm gonna go now...

The Outsider - 105
Sandy:(Staring at the busted Range Rover) You expect me to believe that this happened in the parking lot of an IMAX movie?
Seth: Shark movies bring out a tough crowd.

Seth: Turns out that I'm quite skilled at getting a date, provided it's not for me.

The Girlfriend - 106
Seth: Is it twisted to find my potential grandma really hot?

Caleb: You're still smoking the weed, aren't you?
Seth: Dad, you smoked weed?
Kirsten: Out.This is a private conversation.
Seth: Ryan, guess who's a stoner!

Seth: It's fate, it's destiny! We both like burritos!

Summer: Now, aren't you going to invite me to your grandpa's party?
Seth: I'm sorry, Summer, could you please repeat that?

Seth: You hooked up with my grandma?! Actually, that's kind of hot. How was it?

Summer: Hey, don't you wanna introduce me to more people?
Seth: No. Because I know the only reason you came as my date is so I can introduce you to guys who just stare at your chest.
Summer: Who was staring at my chest?
Seth: And they don't know anything about you, they don't know that in third grade, everyday you shared your lunch with this little squirrel, who's lunch kept getting stolen by a fat squirrel.
Summer: I hated that fat squirrel.
Seth: And they don't know about how your hand shook when you had to read that poem aloud in class.
Summer: What poem?
Seth: I Want To Be A Mermaid
Summer: That was like, in sixth grade, I barely remember that.
Seth: I wish I was a mermaid, to swim along the sea, and I want all the fishcome and play with me...
Summer kisses him on the lips.
Seth: ...I wish.

The Escape - 107
Seth: This plan is undeniable.
Ryan: I'm denying it.
Seth: We have my mom's Range Rover, we have the perfect alibi, as I go to this comic book convention every year, and we have my entire life of never doing anything wrong, which lulls my parents into a false sense of trust.
Ryan: And you want to throw all that way for Summer in a wet t-shirt doing body shots?
Seth: ... I'm sorry, I thought that was a rhetorical question. Yes, Ryan, yes.

Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.
Ryan: What happens in Mexico?
Seth: I don't know because it stays there! That's why we must go.

Sandy: Now, you have all our numbers?
Seth: Yes, Dad, I remember our phone number.

Summer: 80 is the new 70.
Seth: What? Who talks like that?
Summer: Who gets passed by a van full of nuns? Oh, wait.. Cohen does.
Seth: Well, they have God on their side, Summer. I'm not gonna beat Jesus.

Summer: You're Jewish?
Seth: Yes. That's why I feel so comfortable in this desert heat.

Summer: I am positive that I'm leaving this place with a rash.
Seth: So, you're planning on making some extra money tonight?

Seth: I know denial is a very powerful coping mechanism, but I just think, that it's time that we paid lip service to our lip service.

Seth: Our chemistry is undeniable.
Summer: You know what else is undeniable? The pain this fork is going to cause when I jam it into your eye! ... I suffer from rage blackouts.
Seth:... Check?

The Rescue - 108
Seth: My mom's more popular than me. That's a little bit pathetic, I realize.

Seth: Not now, Mom, I'm studying naked.
Summer: Ew.
Seth: Summer? Come in.
Summer: Uh, no way.
Seth: I'm not naked.
Summer: No, no, no, no, no... Okay, I don't get it. What kind of family do you have, Cohen?
Seth: The kind where mothers and sons wear clothes. Always. Even in the shower.

Seth: Good Lord.
Summer: What? I told you I was a candy-striper.
Seth: I thought you were kidding.
Summer: It's for charity. All the girls do it.
Seth: I should be hospitalized more often.
Summer: Well, if you need any help...

The Heights - 109
Seth: I like to think I can convey everything with a look.
Kirsten: Well, you look adorable!
Seth: No.
Kirsten: Cute?
Seth: No.
Kirsten: Dope?
Seth: No.
Kirsten: Rad?
Seth: Please, please, this is so painful for me!
Kirsten: Hey Sandy, dosen't Seth look rad?
Sandy: Oh, you do look rad! Mad props son!

Sandy: Well, at least you have each other.
Seth:That's very wise, Dad.
Ryan: We're doomed.

Seth: So when you lost your virginity, I was playing Magic the Gathering.
Ryan: You still play Magic.
Seth: Yeah, but not as much.

Summer: Excuse me.We were talking here.
Anna: So insulting him counts as conversation?
Seth: Well, if it doesn't, then we've never spoken.

Seth:That sounds a little bit like a game, Anna. And I don't really like games. Unless we're talking about a little Saturday night Jenga. Or a little Magic the Gathering. Love Magic the Gathering.

The Perfect Couple - 110
Anna: Can we just, like, not talk about Summer for five minutes? We talk about her all the time.
Seth: No, we dont. We don't. We talk about all sorts of things all the time. We talk about music; we talk about sailing.
Anna: Yeah, about how you named your boat after her and about how you made her a burned CD with all of your favorite songs with the word "summer" in it.

Seth: So, get this. Anna thinks that all that I do is talk about Summer. That's crazy,right?
Ryan: Do you want me to lie?

Ryan: Sometimes I think you talk just to make sounds.
Seth: Sometimes I do.

Summer: No, god! No...
Seth: Uh, what's happening here?
Summer: I like Seth Cohen...
Seth: You, uh... You what now?
Summer: Nothing! I wasn't talking to you. But if you tell anyone what you heard here, I'll kill you.

The Homecoming - 111
.Seth: OK Mom, you're dangerously close to the corn now- step back

(Summer kisses Seth)
Summer: I...I just can't help it. And I certainly can't explain it - You didn't tell anyone?
Seth: Of course not.
Summer: 'Cause I'll kill you.
Seth: No, I believe you

Marissa: Hey, Seth, did you know Ryan did musicals?
Seth: Wow. That's extremely minty of you. I didn't even know they had musicals in Chino.. or dancing.. or laughter.
Ryan: That's 'cause no one lived there as funny as you

The Secret - 112
Ryan: Maybe you've got the SUMMER flu.
Seth: Yeah, it's November, but it's possible.
Ryan: Maybe you need some ANNA-biotics.
Sandy: Oh, the SUMMER flu -- I just got it. (pats Ryan on the shoulder) That was a good one.

Seth: H-hi Summer...and Anna...hanging out together. Wow. Wow, that's...awkward.
Anna: Not really.
Seth: I meant for me.

Ryan: I was just over there. They seemed really happy.
Seth: Yeah? And by happy, do you mean... (whispers) gay?

Luke: Maybe I should just blow it off. Hit the beach. Let people get it out of their systems.
Ryan: No, it doesn't work like that. It's been three months and I'm still the kid from Chino who burned a house down.
Marissa: And I'm still the girl who tried to kill herself in Mexico.
Seth: Yeah ... and I'm still - I'm still - well, I'm still Seth Cohen.

The Best Chrismukkah Ever - 113
(discussing Chrismukkah with Ryan)
Sandy: We didn't really know how to raise Seth.
Seth: Yes so I raised myself. Allow me to elaborate. See for my father here, a poor struggling Jew growing up in the Bronx, well, Christmas meant Chinese food and a movie. And for my mom over here, Waspy McWasp, well it meant a tree, it meant a stocking and all the trimmings.
Kirsten: I'm not a Wasp!

Ryan: You're really starting to scare me.
Seth: I'm okay with that.

Seth: I don't judge it, OK? I only mock.
Kirsten: That, you get from your father.

Seth: I'm going to go make magic happen. I feel like my hair is working for me tonight

The Countdown - 114
Sandy: You guys need anything?
Seth: Yes. Ryan needs a tear in the space time continuum.

Seth: Separate seats, you guys. Come on, there's no sex in the champagne room.

Ryan: Well I didn't want you to be alone.
Seth: I'm not alone. I have Captain Oats and Carson Daly.

Seth: Aunt Hailey! Later, when you're dresses we'll hug !

Seth: Well, I had two. And now I've none. But it's cool 'cause I...euh... swore off women. I took myself off the market.

The Third Wheel - 115
Sandy: Anyone going to be doing drugs?
Seth: I hope so. Otherwise it'd be a lame rock concert.

Seth:(to a singing Luke) Hey man, you know who sings this song?
Luke: Rooney!
Seth: Yeah. And it should stay that way.

Seth: Okay, here's the thing, um...Anna and I have decided to take it to the next level and I need some advice.
Ryan: You're going to have sex.
Seth: No, but that's a good idea, though.

Sandy: Now, get going. Your mother and I want some time alone.
Seth: Hey, there's a visual that I don't want to take with me tonight.
Sandy: Well, son, your mom's a hottie and I got her.

The Links - 116
Seth: Oh dinner at six, in bed at eight. Anna, my old Jewish man is very happy right now.

Seth: Okay! They can put a man on the moon, correct? And they can't serve an Egg McMuffin past 10.30am? Can't figure it out. Doesn't make sense!

Ryan: I don't do "nice and easy"
Sandy: Then what do you do?
Seth: Yes Ryan, what do you do besides punches and musicals?

(talking about Ryan)
Seth: He is very good with the ladies.
Sandy: He's very good with the ladies.
Ryan: He's standing right here holding a golf club.
Sandy: Yeah, but you don't know how to use it.

The Rivals - 117
Seth: Let me ask you something : am I dating the female me? Like me, but as a girl?

Seth: Or how about trying something different? Like, check it out, I have some ideas. Muscle car racing. Mmm? Or, or, or, we could learn Israeli self defense. They call it 'Krav Maga'

Seth: Oh god! He watches Leno, that explains everything.

(about Ryan stealing Marissa's letter from Oliver)
Seth: That letter is like 'The Ring', anyone who reads it dies!

(discussing Danny)
Sandy: Whoa, that kid is not funny.
Seth: Thank you. I know.
Sandy: He makes Ryan look funny.
Seth: He makes Marissa look funny.
Sandy: Gentiles. I love your mother more than words, but not funny. Get yourself some funnier friends.

The Truth - 118
Seth: You know how excited I get turning people on to comics.
Anna: I know how excited you get turning Summer on.

Seth: You don't think that's a little crazy?
Luke: Dude, have you met Oliver?

The Heartbreak - 119
(Knock Knock on Summer's bedroom door)
Summer: I'm studying .... Naked!
Seth: Is that supposed to keep me away?
Summer: COHEN!
(She goes and opens the door)
Summer: You're at my house!
Seth:....And your dressed I wonder who's more disappointed

Seth: She's just Captain Oats' type.
Summer: Tell him to keep his hooves off.
(Summer removes her shirt)
Seth: Whatever you say, Summer. Yes. Yes

Seth: Well, Ryan, I'm a man now. Not just like an after-your-Bar Mitzvah-man, but a man man. I had sex with a girl. Summer to be more specific.
Ryan: How was it?
Seth: I had sex!
Ryan: That bad?
Seth: No, not that bad, just kinda weird.
Seth: It was a little weird. And not like kinky weird, more like awkward. But hey, you know what? It was my first time, she's a more experienced woman, that's to be expected. But I did make some faces in the middle that I wish I could take back but I can't and there was also a sort of whiny noise that came out at the end that probably wasn't my finest hour and...I sucked so bad! I was like a fish flopping around on dry land. I was Nemo and I just wanted to go home.

Seth: I think I need to talk to you.
Sandy: About what?
Seth: I need some advice. You know about girls.
Sandy: Well you've come to the master.
Kirsten: Haha
Sandy: What? I got you didn't I?
Kirsten: I was young and impressionable and drunk.
Seth: Hey! only child right here.

Sandy: I'm surprise you hung in that long with all that foreplay.
Seth: Forewhat now?

Seth: Things with Summer now are more messed up than they were before the awful fish sex.
Ryan: I wouldn't refer to it as "Fish Sex" again.
Ryan: What did you do to your eye?
Seth: It's just a little bit blurry. Summer poked me in it with her big toe.
Ryan: What, why?
Seth: I don't know man, it was an accident, there were limbs everywhere, I'm lucky I can still see.

Summer: Last night...you weren't the only virgin in the room.
Seth: What? who else was in there? Were they filming us?
Summer: I am... was a virgin asshole!

The Telenovela - 120
Seth: Over-exposure, its a major source of conflict in a relationship. Summerith, Sethimer? You understand what I'm saying?
Ryan: No no, but that's normal.

Seth: Brad, dude I didn't recognize you out of the speedo. Not that I recognize you in a speedo.

Sandy: You did musicals? I did a musical when I was in college.
Kirsten: Oh, please, someone stop him before he breaks into "Greased Lightening."
Seth: Do it, Dad! Travolta's your bitch!

Summer: I've had enough, Cohen.
Seth: I left your house two hours ago.
Summer: Yeah, well it feels like four.

Seth: So what's going on with you and Theresa?
Ryan: She's engaged.
Seth: Wow, Ryan makes quick work with the ladies.

Seth: A triangle's not a friendly shape ... it's a point, it has sharp edges ... triangles hurt people...

The Goodbye Girl - 121
Seth: No, but just tell me this. What sort of level of kiss are we talking about? Was it like, like a Christina/Madonna peck? Or was it like a Britney/Madonna sorta smooch? Or was it like a full on like a, like a Al and Tipper Gore liplocks?

Seth: What if the girl I'm supposed to be with just went back to Pittsburgh?
Ryan: What if she just went back to Chino?
Seth: Why would Anna go to Chino? (pause) Kidding.

Seth: I can't believe I caused a girl to leave the state... the county, maybe, sure.

Seth: But what will I do without your wisdom?
Anna: Confidence, Cohen.

Ryan: Nice one. Well, at least we still have each other.
Seth: Actually, I have Summer now. But I'll put a little Seth/Ryan time on the books. That's quality time.
Ryan: Thanks, buddy. You know, I could always hang out with Luke. I wonder what he's doing right now.
Seth: I don't know. Discovering fire... Hunting and gathering... maybe shaving his chest with a buck knife. Hey you could do that together.
Ryan: I did do that.

The L.A. - 122
Seth: You will be angst-free Ryan for one month.
Ryan: One month? Most people don't do a whole month.
Seth: Ok, angst-free Ryan week. If you like it you can get another week.
(Both see Luke leave the motel room and kiss Julie, they hide behind a car)
Ryan: I didn't even last the night...

Seth: Maybe they’re not having sex. Maybe they go to a motel to spoon and watch Charlie Rose.
about Grady

(Talking about Marissa and how she can't find out about Luke and Julie's affair).
Seth: No! She cannot find out! She does not handle the bad news well at all!

Seth: Mom! Can't a child just admire the beauty of his parents in the morning light? You don't look a day over perfection!

Ryan: He's kinda like you.
Seth: What? Handsome and charming?
Ryan: No. Geeky and sarcastic.

Ryan: How does that guy play high school?
Seth: Hollywood, man.

Ryan: See, I kinda think Seth is the brains?
Marissa: Oh really?
Seth: Yeah. And Summer's the bitch.

The Nana - 123
Seth: So what's the GP RA?
Ryan: I have no idea what you just said.
Seth: Game plan, Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: So you're talking in initials now?
Seth: Yeah. They save time.
Ryan: Not if you have friends that don't.
Seth: G.P.
Ryan: Game Plan?
Seth: Good Point.

The Proposal - 124
Marissa: I don't know. Cause the guy I lost my virginity to had sex with my mom?
Seth: Oh, right. I remember that.

Seth: Hey, oh ... sorry. I'm surprised that hasn't happpened before. Not saying I'm disappointed it hasn't happened before just saying the mathmatical probability of ...
Ryan: Yeah, crying during chick flicks, walking in on me getting dressed ...
Seth: Yeah, what's your point? K, I'm not seeing what you're getting at? Do you work out?
Ryan: Not really.
Seth: Cool, me neither. I'm gonna go watch some hockey.
Ryan: Hockey season's over.
Seth: Damnit. Where you going?
Ryan: Gonna go find Luke. Beat the crap out of him.
Seth: Oh, where shall this can of whoop-ass be opened?

Summer: You don't like hardware stores. You cry during chick flicks. Next thing you're gonna tell me that you walk in on Ryan changing.
Seth: Com'on that's crazy. Hey, let's go to the hardware store.

(Making hand motions to Summer)
Seth: I'm gonna go pee. Ok. So if anyone asks, that's where I am. For a while.
Ryan: Right.
Marissa: He's getting weirder.
Ryan: I didn't think that was possible.

Summer: Was I really mean to you?
Seth: No, Summer ... to be mean you would have had to speak to me.

The Shower -125
Seth: Yeah, yeah. Me and Marissa? We could be related. I don’t know. I can’t even do the Math. But the real kicker is … Julie Cooper: My Grandma. My Grandma wears Uggs. Think about it.

Summer: Mostly we talk about me.
Seth: You?
Summer: Yeah. It's like our common interest.

Seth: But your dad’s not going to need a menu ‘cause he’ll be eating out of the palm of my hand. (Laughter) The palm of my hand, Summer!

Seth: No, she's supposed to be crying and he's supposed to be brooding. That's how it works!

Seth: I mean, look at her. With the vim. And the vigor. What do you think, more vim or more vigor? In your opinion?
Seth: All I'm saying is that your daughter has been blessed with an extraordinary amount of vim.

Theresa: No, I – I can’t impose on Seth’s parents forever.
Seth: Sure you can. I intend to.

The Strip - 126
Sandy: Whose card did you put this on?
Seth: Please. The old man's.
Sandy: I love you, Son.
Seth: I love you too, Dad. Only not as much as I love the Vegas.

Seth: Dude, what do we do? I don't want to get thrown out of the hotel. I love the hotel. I want to marry the hotel and have little alcoholic, gambling-addicted kids with it. Is that wrong?

Seth: Uh, payment? Uh, are you, uh--?
Ryan: You guys are prostitutes.
Summer: I knew it!

The Ties That Bind - 127
Sandy: Hey. You're not at school.
Ryan: Yeah, we were at the doctor's office.
Kirsten: Is everything ok?
Seth: Hmm? Yeah, it's fine.
Theresa: I'm pregnant.
Seth: Well, except for that.

Seth: Seth's a good name if it's a boy.

Seth: Hey man, they raised me, okay? Proof, pudding. Speaking of pudding, Mother, do we have any tapioca on tap?
Seth: I just love pudding. It's so fun to say. Pudding. Puuudding. Puudding. Puuuudding.

Summer: We're not having sex again.
Seth: Ok, we've had enough pain and suffering already.

Seth: Ohh ... I've missed you. It's been too long.
Ryan: You're talking to a boat, Seth.
Seth: Yeah, I talk to a plastic horse, too, but that never worries anyone.

Marissa: Believe me if there was something I could do, I would.
Seth: Oh, well, I think you've done enough.
Marissa: What does that mean?
Seth: I just don't even think Ryan would be back with Theresa if it wasn't for you and Oliver in the first place. Really, all you ever did was drag that kid into your messed up life.

Julie: You excited about being a groomsman?
Seth: It's, uh...it's the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. Yeah...